Podcast

Resources

DRAMATISING YOUR PREMISE IN 60 seconds

  • Scripteasers: Writing Tips
Share

Your challenge? To convey the key elements of your premise in a fast paced opening scene.

It’s essential to engage your viewers from the moment their eyeballs hit the screen. The most satisfying shows depend on these key dramatic devices: the protagonist’s central flaw, which will be challenged by their story environment; a long series goal and an episodic goal. If you can add other layers, like a wound, an interesting back story, or a troubling antagonist, your viewers will keep clicking next. Question is, can you set this all up instantly, in just one opening scene?

It takes a lot of skill, especially if you want to avoid exposition. One loop hole is to find a way to convey exposition in an entertaining, engaging way. Check out this trailer to AP BIO.

The writer cleverly sets up the protagonist’s central flaw (arrogance); his wound (being fired); his series goal (to take down his rival); his episodic goal (to avoid teaching class) and the story world which will challenge his flaw in every episode.

Netflix’s stunning teen drama, DAYBREAK, is a high concept premise. Watch the opening 90seconds, featuring Josh in class, to see how much information the viewers are given – and it is achieved in an immersive and interesting way. Josh’s address to camera helps. Here is a trailer for the series. Notice how clear the key elements of the premise are. We learn Josh’s flaw is that he is a misfit and a loner; but in this world, you need to work in a team to survive. His episodic goal is survival; and his long term series goal is to find Sam.

Ted Lasso’s opening sequence is no different. We learn Ted’s central flaw, his series and episodic goals, and how this environment will challenge him. It is so interesting that Ted’s central flaw is that he is too nice. We also meet his antagonist, and her goals are equally clear. Ted’s philosophy – to be the best you can be, whether you win or lose – it a thematic thread that is present throughout the whole series, and it is set up from the very start.

I think the world was ready for a super nice protagonist, don’t you?

I love the opening of the series GLOW.

In just two scenes, we learn the protagonist’s episodic goal, her series goal, her central flaw and the story world which will challenge her central flaw in every episode.

Another layer that’s crystal clear is the sexist world she lives in, which is an ongoing antagonist in the series. It’s also an important theme, and every single story strand in the series speaks to this theme.

Too many comedic examples? How about the opening of HANDMAID’S TALE. We don’t learn very much about the protagonist, and there is hardly any dialogue… but WAIT – maybe we do learn a stunning amount of information about the premise. We learn the stakes and the jeopardy. It is a tense and dangerous scene and we believe her husband has been shot and her child kidnapped. We see the protagonist as a rebel, anti authority, which is her central flaw through the series. And we understand this strange story world will challenge that flaw in every episode. We also know her series goal will be to find her daughter. All that drama in under 3 mins…

Your challenge? Write an electric cold open, which conveys these key elements:

  • Protagonist’s central flaw

  • Protagonist’s episodic goal and series goal

  • How the environment will challenge the protagonist’s flaw in every episode

Good luck Scripteasers!

If you’d like to know when I’m running my next workshop, sign up for updates – https://screenwritingscriptease.com.au/contact/

More Resources

“Holly was an excellent presenter with a wealth of practical knowledge. I found her honesty and humour great and her real world experience was invaluable. She gave permission to approach pitching completely differently....not necessarily having to conform. The fact that she was extremely practical was really useful...sometimes seminars can err on the side of being too general.”
Rachael TurkScreenworks, Art and Science of Pitching 2020
“Holly makes plotting look elegant and fun. Always with a sense of the infinitely possible.”
Rachael TurkKey plotting skills, 2020
“Holly is absolutely amazing! She gave me the tools and insight to completely reframe a project I’d been pitching for a year but was always falling just short. With her help, we won the South Pacific Pictures' Big Pitch Competition a month later in Auckland. Thanks for taking us to the next level!
Sam WangPitch Documents that Sell; AFTRS 2019
“Holly's online course on what goes into a great 2-page pitch document was concise, insightful and full of her trademark charm. She left me feeling enlightened and encouraged. She's the best!”
Tommy James GreenPitch Documents with Power, 2020
“Holly made breaking down a script really easy and accessible. This course gave me more confidence in my basic structure so completing something is so much more achievable!!!”
Gemma GreyPlotting Workshop, 2020
“We are receiving the most glowing reviews. All their responses have rated Holly 5 out of 5.”

Lisa O'MearaScreenworks
“Holly delivered the information in a very clear fun way. Each exercise was clear, achievable, but also challenged the participants which allowed a great learning process.”
Lisa O'MearaScreenworks
I have actively sought out Holly to provide feedback on a number of my scripts over the years because I know she is exceptional at what she does. Her notes are always detailed, insightful, and uplifting - they make me feel excited to take my scripts to the next draft. She is fantastic at helping keep character motivations strong, punching up dialogue, and paying off plot points - and she can do that for a range of different genres!
Amy Stewart
Holly provided constructive and supportive feedback that was both 'big picture' as well as specific to key moments within scenes. She is an ideal sounding board for an emerging screenwriter as she understands how to help an author tell their story - rather than try, as many editors do, to speak through them. Having Holly's eyes on a project is a major asset.
Alex Vickery-HoweAward Winning Screenwriter
Holly's assessment of my writing was spot-on. She saw where and why I was struggling and offered some really useful suggestions on how to more fully develop my story. I felt re-energised and excited about my work again after my session with Holly.
Beth ShepherdScreenwriter
Holly is one of those rare people that can deliver critical feedback in a way that makes you laugh and inspired to continue on your writing journey. Holly is an intelligent and intuitive assessor who gets to the heart of any story problem quickly in an articulate and professional manner.
Kellie JennarWriter, Producer & Filmmaker
Holly gave me detailed, nuanced and very astute notes on a screenplay I have been working on for a long time. Her feedback was positive, constructive and very stimulating in terms of the number of new ideas it generated, and because it completely re-invigorated me and reminded me why I started writing the script in the first place. Writing can be lonely, and expert feedback is essential for every project. I can highly recommend Holly for her care, professionalism and expertise.
Chris AronstenWriter
Holly Lyons is a genius. Her feedback was clear, insightful and supportive, pinpointing both the highlights and omissions in my pitch materials. I can’t recommend her enough.
Dave BlousteinWriter, Comedian & Educator
Holly’s assessment of my TV pilot script Bobby Mac was a key influence for “adding the flesh to the skeleton” of my story. Her clear, concise and well-articulated feedback took me from a lively first draft to a polished second draft within a matter of weeks. I highly recommend her services.
Dan HaberfieldScreenwriter
“Holly gave some very real world advice and she delivered her pitching workshop with great energy. There was a lot to take in. I learned so much.”
Lisa O'MearaScreenworks
Holly is a woman who gives her all to everything. She considers every aspect and gives detailed, considered feedback in a positive and energetic manner. Holly always asks questions that highlight where improvements can be made and pushes you to seek the most fulfilling story option. Her insights come from a foundation of impeccable experience and understanding of screen language and story structure. She enriches not just your project but you - her energy is infectious.
Sarah BassiuoniDirector, Writer & Researcher
I first met Holly as Script Co-ordinator on Home and Away. Holly has continued to guide me through my career. She is a dedicated mentor, taking great pleasure in seeing others succeed. Recently she read the pilot script for a show I’ve created, and gave me excellent written notes on how to move the next draft forward. She also had some great suggestions on research options available.
Romina AccursoFreelance Script Writer
Holly Lyons was recommended to me and with good reason. Her suggestions were on point and she was both positive and challenging, pushing me to do better and look deeper into the characters' journey. The script was updated and is now being developed as a stage play!
Kathy PetrakisScript Writer
I found Holly Lyons' Screenwriting Scriptease Script Assesment Service on the wonderful Women in Telly Facebook page and I'm so glad I did! I was between my second and third draft on a feature script and was really stuck as to how to make it stronger. It was like Holly had x-ray vision and could see exactly what needed to be done to take the script to the next level. Thanks to Holly I have gone from never wanting to see that script again to being completely jazzed about diving back in! If you find yourself staring aimlessly at your script unsure how to tackle the seemingly endless roadblocks then hire Holly! I can't recommend her enough!
Amelia WassermanScreenwriter
Holly has such a wonderfully insight. She goes above and beyond with her assessments. I have always feel that Holly cares about my script and it's very clear that she takes the time to understand my concepts. I feel so motivated after receiving my assessments, and am always eager to apply her suggestions. Holly encourages you by highlighting your strengths as a writers, and offers clear advice about how to improve your work. For me, Holly really helped to tighten my scripts and ensure that my work was chockablock filled with story! Holly also gave me the confidence to push my script further in particular directions. I could not recommend using Holly more, my work is the better for it, and I am a better screenwriter because of her advice and guidance!
Joey RichardsScreenwriter
Holly recently helped me out with a script assessment that needed a very tight turn around. Not only was she quick, but her insights, suggestions and enthusiasm towards making my pilot script better was highly motivating (and let's be honest... sometimes getting notes can get you down so I find this to be a rare quality that needs to be applauded). I came out the other side of reading her assessment feeling confident that my story was about to get significantly better. And I didn't have to find "the note behind the note". I just understood! I know I sometimes struggle with structure, so finding someone who has a knack for picking up those issues and more is a blessing and I'll definitely be using Holly again in the future. THANK YOU HOLLY!
Joanna BeveridgeScreenwriter
Holly is an incredibly insightful, wise and supportive script editor. Her feedback is clear and on point. I understand completely what i need to do in my next draft and thank Holly for helping me get to that stage.☀️♥
Lâle SonoraScreenwriter & Montemiller Winner
Holly's online course on what goes into a great 2-page pitch document was concise, insightful and full of her trademark charm. She proved that the online format is perfectly effective, and left me feeling enlightened and encouraged. She's the best!
Tommy GreenActor & Screenwriter
I attended Holly's pitching workshop recently and found it extremely useful especially having to pitch via zoom to the rest of the group and Holly. Pitching has always made me nervous but Holly's techniques helped me find focus and confidence in my approach. So much so that a few weeks later I pitched to the AACTA mini short film pitch competition and won! Highly recommend all writer's doing this course especially as we have to pitch via zoom these days.
Sunny Grace
WANT TO WRITE FOR TV? DON'T KNOW WHAT IT TAKES? Holly is an absolute wealth of knowledge and super invested in helping her students understand the processes and intricacies of serial drama scriptwriting. I participated in Holly's 'serial drama' scripting workshop which I found to be incredibly insightful. Following the practical scriptwriting exercise, Holly provided very thoughtful and considered feedback, which has helped me as a writer to hone my craft. Holly's experience and unique perspective are invaluable. Highly recommended for anyone interested in exploring scriptwriting for the Aussie TV landscape.
Kyle Petmazakis Smith
I recently did Holly's Intermediate Plotting Skills webinar and found it incredibly useful. Not only did the workshop session provide nuggets of gold and a-ha! moments that I will definitely use going forward, but the subsequent plotting exercise and her deep and insightful feedback proved invaluable. Holly really knows her stuff! I would highly recommend doing one of her workshops. Thank you Holly!
Candice D’Arcy
I completed Holly's Intermediate Plotting Skills workshop and found it incredibly helpful. Her class was very incisive, laying out clear and structured plotting advice that has obviously been learnt through years of experience. And getting one-on-one feedback for my homework task was invaluable - her notes were super helpful and I will definitely take them with me going forward. I highly recommend anyone who is interested to take one of her classes! Thank you Holly!
Linda Gao
"I had the pleasure of attending a writers room facilitated by Holly Lyons recently and it was such a fantastic experience. Holly's extensive knowledge of script writing matched with the skill of articulating the importance of conflict and drama to move the story engine forward was invaluable. We are now in a really good place to dive into the pilot script. In addition to her professional prowess, Holly brings a bright upbeat vibe to the room, keeping things moving with great pace, but with a lightness that is very important during the remote / zoom writing experience. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️"
Nicole Sullivan
"Holly was amazing in helping me with my series concept and pilot episode. She gives great insight and I would definitely work with her again!"
Divya Murthy
"I completed Holly's Intermediate Plotting Skills workshop and found it incredibly helpful. Her class was very incisive, laying out clear and structured plotting advice that has obviously been learnt through years of experience. And getting one-on-one feedback for my homework task was invaluable - her notes were super helpful and I will definitely take them with me going forward. I highly recommend anyone who is interested to take one of her classes! Thank you Holly!"
Linda Gao
"I found I got way more than my money's worth with Holly's feedback on my screenplay. Her help was constructive and suggestions were succinct and really helpful. I have had other assessments before but hers was by far the best. Her vast experience in the industry is also a plus since she has had the experience in television both in Australia and overseas. I found her fully engaged and affirming in the process of critiquing my work. Highly recommended."
Joanna Thyer
"Having completed two online workshops with Holly I highly recommend her screenwriting expertise and experience. As an emerging screenwriter I have found her detailed feedback invaluable. She provides clear objectives and helpful advice, which has given me the boost needed to advance my project."
Suzanne Connors
"I recently undertook Holly's Comedy Class. The initial lecture session was well organized with reference materials and watch lists, that meant we could get the most out of the class. She also provided a PDF of the session notes that meant we could all focus on the discussion as it evolved instead of scrambling to write notes. What really caught my attention about this course was the chance to have a session after the initial lecture where Holly gave feedback on a Spec Beat Outline of Brooklyn Nine Nine. The follow up session was so helpful in terms of specific questions I had from doing the homework. I felt I could apply what I learnt to my original concept too. I feel Holly made the most of the time and her passion for the craft of writing was evident throughout. For a chance to focus on a specific genre, I can't recommend her class enough! Thank you"
Sophie Kesoglidis
"Holly was amazing in helping me with my series concept and pilot episode. She gives great insight and I would definitely work with her again!"
DIVYA MURTHY
"Screenwriting Scriptese is a fantastic resource. Holly has done reviews on my Scripts, and Pitch Bibles. I have also attended a number of her courses in person and on-line. Holly always delivers beyond my expectations and lifts my skills considerably. Always great value, I highly recommend Holly's services."
CRAIG GILES
"Holly knows what she's talking about. She gives good practical advice that's presented in an easy-to-understand fashion. It's not broad or vague and her examples are clear and concise. She makes good screenwriting look achievable."
GITA IRVIN
"Holly helped me with the first draft of a novel which I was considering working up into a screenplay. As a first time novelist I was anxious and apprehensive about this process. Holly was a champion, her pragmatic approachable manner in our zoom meetings coupled with her erudite and comprehensive written appraisal has given me an incredibly useful platform from which to proceed. As well as her sensitivity and wealth of experience she also provided me with mentorship in terms of several templates to apply to my process. Do I recommend her....Hell yes!!!"
KEN GRANNEMAN
"Holly's detailed and supportive approach, to both script assessment and teaching, is excellent. Working with Holly has helped me to see the potential in my projects and she has given me more confidence to move forward as a writer. She has also armed me with practical and constructive feedback to tackle the flawed aspects of my stories and she has provided guidance to make my writing more believable and compelling. Thank you, Holly : ) Highly recommended."
JENNY KAPP
"I had the pleasure of attending a writers room facilitated by Holly Lyons recently and it was such a fantastic experience. Holly's extensive knowledge of script writing matched with the skill of articulating the importance of conflict and drama to move the story engine forward was invaluable. We are now in a really good place to dive into the pilot script. In addition to her professional prowess, Holly brings a bright upbeat vibe to the room, keeping things moving with great pace, but with a lightness that is very important during the remote / zoom writing experience."
NICOLE SULLIVAN
"Holly helped with my class at Bus Stop Films. She developed such a personal service and note session for us. She completely understood our screenplay and characters and skilfully helped us to see exactly where we need to further develop. Holly also told us all the positive things about our film, which has really bolstered my class and given us the encouragement we need. Thank you Holly and everyone should be using her and her screenwriting service.
"
Angela BlakeBus Stop Films

"Holly is very clear and real in her provision of television writing expertise. I’ve learned more with her in one hour than I have in multiple hours with others."

Elke Margaretta
"Signing up for the ‘Nail Your Pilots Structure in 14 Days’ course has been the best investment I have made in my writing.
After toying with an idea for close to 12 months without gaining any traction, 3 sessions with Holly helped me crack it. Holly provides great insights and frameworks to guide your story, and in each session she stress tests your ideas to make sure they are sharp as can be. The accountability and constructive feedback from each catch up was exactly what I needed, I’m really proud of what we achieved over the 14 days. Thanks Holly!"
Mel Forge
"Holly breaks down a scene so clearly that you find yourself watching tv with her voice in your head, reiterating the scene structure and key moments to watch for. It's like having a mentor over your shoulder as you continue to write... perhaps more effectively and with the elements of a scene in mind as you type. I'm thrilled to have found Holly and had this moment with her. I look forward to the next session."
Carolyna Lovely
"Holly is a gem! I'm really happy with the screenwriting services she provides. From the moment of inquiry, she was prompt and managed to deliver comprehensive notes that really helped me move forward with the script I was writing. I will definitely use her services again and recommend highly to all my Screenwriting friends."
Milica Pajic
"Holly's help with my drama pitch has been meticulous and insightful. She has thoroughly considered everything about my narrative - from character development to necessary episode transitions, as well as supporting me to polish up my episode structures. I am blown away by her stunning ability to take a bird's eye snapshot of my draft and relay such instructive - easy to follow - suggestions for practical improvements. Thank you Holly for being the catalyst for taking my story to the next level."
Mimi Kwa
"Thanks Holly! Working with you on my feature film scripts has been energising and enlightening! You've saved me hours of deliberating and propelled me forward on my journey. Highly recommended!"
Karen Witt
"Working with Holly has been fantastic. Holly has been able to detail specifics within a script on what’s working and what needs further analysis across character, plot, timing, action and so many more components. Holly gives pages of clear notes ranging from what a reader will/won't pick up on, potential loop holes across the story/characters, and gives options on where to take the script in the next redraft. Thrilled to have had Holly work across my scripts."
Andrew Cruickshank
"Holly helped our team of emerging writer's through a script assessment. She gave excellent feedback on how to strengthen our story and get the most out of our characters, making sure we've explored every avenue. Her feedback has been affirming to hear and has helped us prepare a stronger plan going into our next draft round. She's challenged us to write a strong story for ourselves rather than to dilute aspects for the sake of budget. I highly recommend her services, she gave a nice hands on experience!"
Esther W Fwati
Previous
Next

Want to be updated on future workshops?

Subscribe now for updates

Quick Links
Contact Us
Follow Us

Copyright © 2023 Screenwriting Scriptease

Podcast
Facebook Instagram Linkedin

10% Off

On your next service when you subscribe